


he just didn't know it

by gemini_hyuck



Category: NCT, NCT 127 - Fandom, NCT Dream, NCT U - Fandom
Genre: M/M, NCT Dream - Freeform, NCT U, nct - Freeform, nct 127
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:55:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27296779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemini_hyuck/pseuds/gemini_hyuck
Summary: in which yuta is broken down and yet he smiles.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta
Kudos: 13





	he just didn't know it

life was hard for nakamoto yuta. he left his home only find himself in a new place surrounded by unknown people speaking a foreign language. he adapted and soon found his place in this huge city. he was nervous but never let it show. these people he was surrounded with loved and cared for him like none other than family. he felt welcomed but still out of place and strange. he missed his home dearly as his new profession wouldn’t allow visits home near as often as he’d hoped. however he pushed away the sadness when he was around them. when he performed he gave it his all and everybody loved him. he became known for his beautiful smile and powerful dancing. 

as he grew in popularity he threw up a facade. people now knew him to be kind and light hearted but also very confident and sure of himself. he felt more pressure than ever now, and it was taking a toll. he felt that everything he did was under microscope and one wrong move could end everything he’d worked so hard for and leave him with nothing. the weight of his responsibility and stress started to have physical effects. one of his brothers noticed and tried to help. 

“you need to eat yuta” “when was the last time you slept” “yuta you know the steps perfectly get some rest yeah?” taeyong was worried about where yuta’s sudden decline in positivity, not to mention his failure to eat and sleep, would lead. soon more and more of his brothers noticed, though he hid it well around them, and tried to help in subtle ways. they’d leave food sitting out if he slept through a meal or tell the choreographer that he was sick when in reality he was at home fast asleep because they didn’t wake him up. he slowly became more and more depressed staying in his room only getting up to shower once a day. his change in mood and actions affected his brothers too. when yuta would be with them bouncing around and hyping everyone up for a performance they were quietly getting ready, patiently waiting for hair and makeup and mics. all of them wished to hear yuta’s beautiful laugh ringing through the air, see his radiant smile lighting up the room, lifting their spirits. all except one. taeyong sat facing the wall deep on thought. how was he supposed to tell the fans nakamoto yuta wouldn’t be on stage. that they wouldn’t be able to see his smile that they loved so much. he took a deep breath and tried to relax. he’s only missing a couple shows. he’ll bounce back. he always does. he tried to comfort himself with this thought as they prepared to go on stage. it’s just a couple of shows right? then we’ll be back home and he’ll be there greeting us with open arms and a smile. ~ after the shows the brothers headed back home exhausted. when they walked through the door they immediately noticed. the dorm was spotless. 

“yuta must’ve gotten bored” jaehyun spoke, laughing half halfheartedly. the others gave him a small smile went their respective rooms. yuta’s roommates stayed in the living room. they walked to the couch, to yuta’s favorite spot, and sat on either side of it. on the coffee table in front of them sat a note. they read it quickly then, wide eyed, ran for taeyong. he went back to osaka. taeyong immediately called him but received no answer. running through the dorm he burst into what was once yuta’s room. everything was gone. it was as if every trace of nakamoto yuta had been wiped from existence. taeyong was desperate. then he remembered something. or particularly someone. he yelled for another member who he knew yuta loved. he came running thinking taeyong was hurt. when taeyong told him to unlock his phone and call yuta he obeyed without question. it rang for what seemed like an eternity and taeyong was starting to lose hope when suddenly, 

“hey” taeyong’s head shot up and he motioned for him to put it on speaker. 

“yuta-hyung where are you?” they could hear cars rushing by in the background and yuta chuckled lightly. 

“i’m home. i’m finally home.” he looked up at taeyong confused but taeyong just rolled his hand as if to say “continue”. he nodded and turned back to the phone.

“when will you be back? we miss you” 

“ah you don’t miss me.” they could practically see his bitter smile through his voice “i saw you on stage. what the fans say is true. i’m just a back up dancer.” taeyong grabbed the phone from the member, burning with anger. 

“that’s bullshit yuta and you know it.” yuta laughed sourly before speaking. 

“hey taeyongie. well i’m just gunna stay here for a while i think. but hey it’s cool. never really fit in there anyways. don’t come lookin yeah? you won’t find me.” with that he hung up. the member looked a taeyong with tears in his eyes. 

“taeyong-hyung what’s going on.” he asked. taeyong sighed and wrapped the other in a hug. 

“everything’s gunna be ok. we’re gunna give him some time and then we’ll go get him alright?” he nodded and taeyong walked him back to his room. weeks past and taeyong couldn’t stand it anymore. the other members hadn’t taken the news of yuta’s departure well. the older brothers tried to stay stronger for the youngers who were unsure if they’d ever see yuta again. once, while they were eating, johnny said something that he and yuta used to say just out of habit and taeil, poor kind-hearted taeil, burst into tears. as the oldest brother he felt as though he hadn’t done enough to make yuta feel welcomed and that he was part of why he left. it was slowly taking its toll on everyone. even jeno whose eye-smile could once be seen everywhere he went, seemed dull and lifeless. when he, the last of the dreamies to allow himself to be affected, started to stay in his room more often then not, taeyong drew the line. he took all the boys with him and told their manager that they were leaving for japan to get their lost member. their manager, surprisingly, didn’t put up a fight. he too had noticed the change in the boys. yuta was their energy, he was the first one to give them a hug when they were down and he cared for everyone in their own unique way. they arrived osaka shortly and the member immediately called yuta. all twenty of them huddled around the phone in the back of a van. when he finally answered the member asked him where he was. 

“you came lookin for me.” he said. they all looked at each other shocked at the sound of his voice. yuta sounded terrible. his voice was weak and his breathing was ragged. 

“yuta where are you?!” he asked more frantically. they heard a light chuckle which ended in a coughing fit. “what’s wrong are you sick?” 

“no love i’m not sick.” he said softly. “and i know all of you are there listening and i’ll send you my location but i want to say this first. there’s too many of you to address individually so i’m gunna do it by group. wayv welcome to the nct family even though most of you were already part of it. xiaojun, hendery, yangyang you guys are already amazing keep working hard yeah?” a few yeahs and sniffs could be heard from various places. everyone had tears in their eyes. yuta coughed again and then continued. “nct u you guys are incredible. you really are. even though i was never in nct u i got to see how much you all have progressed. mark i know it’s a lot but you have so much love and support all around you.” mark grew short tempered quickly and blurted out. 

“hyung you do to just tell us where you are!! please!” his voice breaking at the end as he began to cry. johnny pulled him into a hug as best he could with the limited space. yuta sighed sadly over the phone and everyone’s eyes immediately snapped back to it. 

“127 i got to learn and grow with you. through numerous songs we’ve grown closer and i couldn’t have done it without you.” jaehyun, who had been quiet up until now, quietly tapped taeyong on his shoulder. as yuta continued, taeyong turned to jaehyun with curious but sad eyes. jaehyun held up his phone showing taeyong the screen. taeyong’s eyes widened and he hugged jaehyun fiercely. as the one who set up the locations app on everyone’s phone he had the original on his and was able to reboot yuta’s. he had found his location. taeyong gave the phone to the driver who quickly changed course. everyone looked at taeyong questioning the sudden change in direction and he nodded with slight smile on his face. everyone’s eyes widened and hope sparked in them. maybe just maybe this would end with them all going home. they all turned back to the phone when yuta paused and started to cough again this time more violently. “dreamies” he said. all the dreamies pushed through their hyungs and stood in front of the phone. renjun was hugging doyoung. jisung and chenle had an arm around each other with silent tears running down their faces. hyuck had his head leaned on mark’s shoulder and jaemin had his face buried in jeno’s chest, his back and shoulders heaving as a clear sign that he was crying. “you all have grown so much. i still remember how small you were when you arrived. now look at you all. i’m so proud of you never forget that.” at this renjun burst into tears, sobbing as he turned to doyoung who wrapped his arms tighter around his younger member. “nct. you guys have been the closest thing i’ve had to family for a long time now. i’ve seen how far you’ve all come. it’s been an honor to be you hyung and your brother. i love you guys.” with those final words he ended the call. they all stared at the phone in horror. slowly the van rolled to a stop and the driver opened the partition. 

“go get him.” he said. “i’ll stay right here i promise.” they thanked him quickly as they all piled out. some stayed on the ground, others racing into the building and up the first stairs they see. no words spoken they each took a floor. jeno, the member whom yuta had loved, and taeyong rushed up to the roof with a bad feeling in their gut. they busted through the door and there he was. sitting on the edge of the roof legs dangling over the side. they walked towards him slowly only to stop once they got a clear view of his features. his face was gaunt and pale, deep dark circles under his eyes. he was incredibly thin and his hands… his knuckles were torn and bloody, his fingernails broken. they looked around to see the wall next to the door covered in blood, scratches and broken pieces scattered around were he punched it repeatedly until his bones showed. he turned and looked at them, giving them a small smile. 

“guess you found me huh?” they started to walk towards him again palms out to show him they’re only there to help. “don’t bother.” he said. they kept coming anyways. he stood up on the edge facing them and they finally stop. 

“yuta don’t do this” the member begged him. tears running down his face he takes a small step forward. yuta gives him a warning look and he stops. “please yuta please!!” he fell to his knees, cries growing hysterical as he begged the man in front of him not to do this not to leave him. 

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. i love you all.” and he leaned backwards over the edge. what happened next seemed to happen in slow motion. taeyong was the quickest to react, sprinting after him. he would’ve jumped over the edge to save him, had it not been for jeno who tackled him to the ground. he knew that taeyong’s rash decision would’ve killed both himself and yuta. there was a sickening thud below and they dared not look over the edge. they heard voices yelling and footsteps thudding against the ground and they ran to the stairs. the other member was already at the door running down the stairs as fast as he could. the sight on the ground was one not easily forgotten. the boys gathered in a circle on the side walk and there in the center lay nakamoto yuta. the member pushed through the boys falling to his knees next to yuta. he laid yuta’s head in his lap stroking his hair, begging him to wake up, to annoy him, to make him laugh, even just to smile at him. taeyong and jeno broke through moments later seeing the heartbreaking scene. he became more desperate before their eyes, screaming for him to him to be okay he has to be okay. jeno and taeyong knelt on either side of him in shock as tears streamed down their cheeks. the other members seemed to get over their shock some starting to sob, some sliding down the wall with their head in their hands, some backing away shaking their heads not able to fully comprehend that their beloved yuta was gone. most had found another member and were crying into each other feeling the physical pain that comes with losing someone you love. taeyong called an ambulance but he knew it was too late. he was gone. 

the next few weeks were the worst. the fans were devastated. they held a small concert in his honor and practically the entire fan base showed up. they all wanted to show their support for the man they had loved, supported, even met. it was heart breaking to say the least. the members couldn’t sing without crying so the nctzens sang for them. he was so loved by so many people he just didn’t know it. he had so much love to give too. and i should know better than anyone. after all i was his winwinnie that he loved so much. and i loved him too.


End file.
